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BREAKING UP
IS HARD TO DO
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It's always devastating when a couple breaks up, and it's even
more devastating when it's completely one-sided. Add the dimension of a
third person, and it's a recipe for disaster.
So when my younger twenty-something son told my older
twenty-something son he was moving out of their apartment to live with his
girlfriend, all hell broke loose.
"The little bastard," the older son wailed to me when
he relayed the news. "How could he just dump me like that after all
these years?"
It's true they'd been together since the beginning. Only one
year apart, they shared the same room through high school, then went south
to the same college and lived in the same house in San Diego, then moved
back to San Francisco together and shared the same apartment. And now, just
like that, it was over.
"They'll never find a place they can afford," the
older brother confidently said. "He'll come pleading for me to take him
back, and I'm not going to just roll over. He'll have to do some serious
begging."
"What about the girlfriend?" I asked.
"We've got two bedrooms," he replied. "We can
make it work."
They also had a third roommate, who was currently sharing one
of the bedrooms in order to cut the cost of exorbitant San Francisco rents.
Apparently, he would be evicted in the name of brotherly love.
When I next saw the selfish, philandering younger son, who
would callously rather live with his girlfriend than with his older brother,
I asked him how the apartment hunting was going.
"Not well," he replied. "It's tough to find a
place that allows dogs."
His girlfriend had a small rescue dog, and she wasn't about to
give it up. "Your brother is counting on you not finding a place. He's
having separation anxiety."
"I think he's in love with me," he said, grinning.
"I tried to be as gentle as possible when I let him know I was moving
out. I told him it wasn't him, it was me."
"That was very noble of you, but it didn't work. What
about his idea of the two of you moving in with him?"
He shot me a look that indicated I couldn't be serious.
"If we can't find a place, we'll be moving back home for awhile."
My separation anxiety had long ago disappeared. I immediately
started scouring the internet, looking for a place that allowed dogs.
Meanwhile, the older brother, who also happens to have a
serious girlfriend, wasn't going to let the younger brother off easy. Every
tale of an apartment that showed promise but was ultimately not obtainable
was met with unrestrained glee.
"He's not going anywhere," the older brother
confidently announced . "Looks like we'll be together forever."
And then it happened. They found a studio that would accept
dogs, and for a rent that was only somewhat ridiculous instead of
ridiculously ridiculous. When the younger brother told his older brother
that the deal was done, it wasn't pretty.
"You're not getting the TV, or the couch, or any other
piece of furniture," the older brother cried. "You want to leave,
that's fine. But all you're taking are your clothes---nothing else, not even
a spoon."
There was no argument. The younger brother was smart enough not
to mess with a jilted lover. He didn't even reply.
"Have fun shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond with the
missus," the older brother smirked. "I hear they're having a sale
on salad plates."
For more than 25 years they'd been together. Best friends.
Roommates. But it had to end sometime, and it was ending. The older brother
needed to let go and move on. So he did.
Within days he had a new roommate, an old friend with whom he
was very close. And he also had his girlfriend, with whom he was very close.
And he also had his other roommate, with whom he was very close but was
willing to evict in a moment's notice in order to lure his brother back.
The experts say it takes at least five years to get over a
divorce. But not always. This one took five days. That's why they call it
brotherly love.
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