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A LITTLE BIT
BETTER EACH YEAR
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Scene: Thanksgiving Day, 2030, nine years from now. I'm
sitting by the fireplace, warming my tired, decrepit old bones. Dinner is
over, tummies are full, and the grandchildren gather around to soak up more
wisdom from Grandpa before he croaks.
Little Tommy: Tell us again about Thanksgiving during
The Great Pandemic, Grandpa. I love hearing horror stories!
Me (tousling his hair): You're only 10 years old, Little
Jimmy. You'll have plenty of horror stories yet to come.
Little Sophie: After you finish your Thanksgiving story,
can you tell us about how you used to own actual retail stores before the
shoplifting gangs came in and took everything.
Me (downing a shot of tequila): That's a little too
painful, Little Sophie. Let's stick to happier subjects like The Great
Pandemic.
Little Esmeralda: Wasn't 2020 the worst year of the
Pandemic?
Me: Yes, Essie. You're so much smarter than your
cousins. 2020 was very difficult. The State of California issued guidelines
for Thanksgiving dinners. Only three different households were allowed, you
needed a designated server, chairs had to be six feet apart, you had to wear
your masks except when eating or a medical emergency, and no singing or
chanting was allowed.
All 14 grandchildren (we'd had a baby boom): EWWWW.
Me: Oh, and one other thing---everyone had to eat
outside.
Little Sophie: It's freezing in November around here!
That's crazy!!
Me: The State of California wanted to make sure the
virus didn't spread. We had no protection in 2020 so we had to be careful.
We were just waiting for the vaccine and hoping things would improve for the
next Thanksgiving.
Little Tommy: Did you get the vaccine, Grandpa? Did it
work? Did things improve?
Me: So many questions, young man. Yes, Grandma and I got
the vaccine and it worked.
Little Sophie: So Thanksgiving in 2021 was back to
normal, right Grandpa?
Me (sighing): Not exactly. But it was much better.
Little Esmeralda: If everyone got the vaccine and it
worked, why wouldn't your Thanksgiving be back to normal?
Me: Because not everyone got the vaccine. 60 million
Americans thought they didn't need it. By the time Thanksgiving rolled
around, virus cases were actually increasing in the country.
Little Tommy: Huh?
Me: People thought they were smarter than the
scientists. There was even a quarterback for the Green Bay Packers, Aaron
Rodgers, may he rest in peace, who said he did extensive research and
decided he didn't need the vaccine.
Little Esmeralda: What does a quarterback know about
infectious diseases?
Me: Exactly. That's why a lot of people suggested Dr.
Anthony Fauci should start at quarterback for the Packers.
All 14 grandchildren: Huh?
Me: Never mind. Anyway, the virus wouldn't go away
because there were so many people who weren't vaccinated. They became
second-class citizens and everyone who was vaccinated didn't like them very
much.
Little Esmeralda: So you still had to have your
Thanksgiving outdoors? Yuck.
Me: No, all of our family trusted the science and got
vaccinated. So starting in Thanksgiving 2021 we were allowed to gather
indoors, without masks, and even sing the Hoppe family song.
All 14 grandchildren: Yay!
Me: It was a relief. We had a long way to go to end the
pandemic, but it sure was a lot better than 2020.
Little Sophie: So how did the pandemic finally end, Grandpa?
Me: It took some time, but more and more people got
vaccinated. Some were forced to do it in order to keep their jobs, and
others finally realized that the 3 billion people who got fully vaccinated
by the end of 2021 had no serious side effects. But the virus will probably
never go away completely, thanks to the knuckleheads who still won't get
vaccinated. That's why you have to get your shots every year.
Little Tommy: So was Thanksgiving in 2021 the best
Thanksgiving ever?
Me: It was right up there, Little Tommy. We hugged each
other, sat close to each other, never wore a mask, and sang the Hoppe family
song. And most importantly, we all gave thanks to the scientists who
developed the vaccine.
Little Sophie: Those scientists are pretty smart, aren't
they Grandpa?
Me: Yes, they are, Little Sophie. They're a lot smarter than
me. And infinitely smarter than Aaron Rodgers.
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