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TO MOVE, OR
NOT TO MOVE

   I was coming home from work on Monday and had just heard a radio commercial on KCBS advertising a website called leavingbayarea.com. I walked in the door and announced to my wife that we were certified losers.
   "And why is that?" she replied without all that much curiosity.
   "Because we may be the only people in the entire Bay Area who aren't threatening to move away, that's why?"
   She looked outside at the smoke-filled sky, and then turned back to me. "You're right," she announced. "Let's move."
   Now we were talking. We could join our friends and family in declaring that we were fed up with the (pick one) fires and air quality, high cost of living, homeless problem, gridlock traffic (coming again soon), exorbitant taxes, crazy politics, elitist attitudes, and lack of a major sports championship in the last two years (or all of the above).
   To be precise, surveys show 46% of Bay Area residents are considering leaving. While that may seem high, it's certainly enough to allow the company called leavingbayarea.com to advertise on KCBS. And now we were joining the club.
   "Where should we go?" my wife excitedly asked. "I'm thinking Vancouver, British Columbia. I can get back to my Canadian roots (she was born in Montreal)."
   "That sounds wonderful, except for two things," I replied. "One, you foolishly gave up your Canadian citizenship when you became an American, and two, I just checked the Air Quality Index for Vancouver and it is 236. Canada and the West Coast are out."
   It was the fires that were putting us over the edge. While we understood how fortunate we were to still have our homes and our lives, (unlike so many others), we still, like everyone in the Western states, were frustrated with the smoke that just won't go away. Time to get out.
   "How far East do we have to go?" she asked. "We both get island fever, so going west to Hawaii is out of the question."
   I just happened to have an app called Air Visual on my phone, which lists the air quality index of all the major cities in the world each day, ranked from worst to best, one to 100. Portland, Seattle, San Francisco and Los Angeles were all near the top early in the week.
   "Well, New Delhi is definitely out," I said as I looked through the list. "They haven't seen the sun in about 12 years. And Lahore, Pakistan is at 152, not good enough for us. So cross that out, along with Tehran, Kuwait City and Chengdu, China. All well over 100."
   "Might be tough getting permanent residency, anyway," she conceded. "What have we got in the United States?"
   I perused the list and, sure enough, the same city popped up again with the lowest air quality index. It had been that way for the weeks I had been watching. Not only that, it is never ravaged by hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes or other natural disasters. We'd be safe and comfortable, especially in the mansion we could afford. I couldn't wait to tell my wife.
   "I've made the decision," I happily reported. "We're moving to Detroit."
   She didn't look all that excited. But when I explained the AQI for Detroit was 12 at the moment, she loosened up a bit. And then when I pulled up Redfin.com and showed her what we could get for our house and what we could buy in Detroit, she was all in.
   "Clean air, no fires, a nine bedroom house, and you'll be right across the border from your Canadian roots," I explained. "It doesn't get much better than that!"
   "It will be such a relief to live in an area that is affordable," she said. "But there is something I'm wondering."
   "What's that?"
   "If everyone is leaving the Bay Area, why are real estate prices here still skyrocketing?"
   I gave it some thought. "Excellent question. Perhaps it's because, despite its myriad problems, it's still one of the most desirable places to live in the world."
   There was an extended silence. We both looked out the window, and for the first time in days, we could see the sun peeking through the haze. I checked the AQI---down to 130, and still dropping.
   Leavingbayarea.com was not getting our business. And Detroit was going to have to wait. Forever.
 

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