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TURN OFF THE LIGHTS,
THE PARTY'S OVER
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The rain was pouring down and the wind was howling last
Wednesday evening. I was safely weathering the storm in the comfortable
confines of my house, watching the evening newscasters discuss the impending
PG&E bankruptcy.
That's when the power went out, plunging my wonderful world
into darkness.
"That was fast," I announced to my wife.
"PG&E runs into a little financial difficulty and they turn out the
lights."
"I think it might have something to do with the storm
outside," she replied, knowing I was exaggerating a bit.
"I'll light some candles."
It's amazing how dark it is when there's absolutely no lights
on. I slowly fumbled my way towards the kitchen, where we keep our trusty
flashlight just for situations like this one. Naturally, the batteries were
dead, and we had no replacements.
"Nice planning," said my wife as she searched for a
candle. "Where are the matches?"
How the hell would I know? No one uses matches anymore, just
like no one uses candles. A romantic candlelight dinner was not going to
happen, just like it never happened in the past.
Fortunately, there was one last resort. While PG&E had let
us down, Apple did not. I quickly remembered the flashlight application on
my iPhone and turned it on, lighting up our world once again. We could now
have a romantic smartphone dinner.
"Thank goodness we have a gas stove," I said as I
pulled out a frying pan. "I'll fry up some eggs and we'll prove we have
no need for stinkin' PG&E."
That's when I learned the pilot lights on gas stoves require
electricity to ignite. Apparently, you can light it with a match, if you had
matches. And it was probably good I didn't have matches, because there was
an excellent chance I'd blow up the house trying to light it.
Not wanting to go out to a grocery store or restaurant and ruin
the adventure, we scrounged around and found some food to sustain us until
the power came on, which we were sure would be very shortly. Then we sat
down and perused our phones.
"Did you see the CEO of PG&E resigned the day before
they announced their bankruptcy date?" I announced as I read the story
online. "They're giving her a $2.5 million severance package."
"That makes sense," replied my wife. "Why don't
you declare bankruptcy and see how much money you can get out of it?"
As we pondered the absurdity of the situation, I started
thinking about my life with PG&E. It had always been good. Smell some
gas, and they would respond immediately. Wires down in the street, and a
crew was on it. They seemed to be there when you needed them.
That reputation, if you agree they ever had one, has taken
quite the hit lately. San Bruno, the Camp Fire, the unresponsiveness---it
definitely was time to take a $2.5 million severance and declare bankruptcy.
And now our electrical power was off and they had no idea when it would come
back on.
As the night wore on, we took comfort in knowing our gas
furnace would keep us warm. That's when we learned, through our smartphones,
that gas furnace safety systems will not allow it to turn on during an
electrical outage. That left the fireplace, with no matches. Didn't matter.
Pres-to-Logs don't give off that much heat, anyway.
Thankful that we didn't live in Minnesota, we headed for bed.
When we woke up in the morning, there was still no power. At least I could
take a hot shower with our gas water heater. That's when I learned our water
heater was electric.
As I drove through my neighborhood on the way to work, a little
stinky and disheveled, I saw a bunch of trucks working feverishly to repair
some downed power lines. But they weren't PG&E trucks.
"PG&E contracted with us to get the work done,"
answered the nice man when I asked him what happened to my utility company.
"They didn't have the resources to get all the work done, so they hired
us."
I had a thought. "Would you give your CEO $2.5 million if
you were going bankrupt?" I asked him.
He seemed taken aback, but he had a quick answer.
"No."
"Good enough for me," I said. "Assuming you get
our power back, I think I'd like you guys to be our next utility
company."
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