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A PHOBIA NOT TO
BE DISCUSSED IN PUBLIC |
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I'm saddened to say that I have been diagnosed with
Glossophobia. It joins a long list of afflictions that have befuddled me
for most of my life, almost all of them self-induced.
The good news, at least for me, is that I'm not alone in
battling this debilitating disorder. Almost 75% of the American public has
Glossophobia. Some have it worse than others, but its venom has clearly
spread throughout the country.
For those of you who aren't well versed in medical
terminology (like me, until I looked it up), Glossophobia is the fear of
public speaking.
I've got it bad, and I'm desperately searching for a cure.
But my hopes are dimming, primarily because I've been searching for about
40 years with no success.
I can still vividly remember my first episode. I was in my
early 20's and was in a business meeting with about 30 people sitting
around a huge conference table. I was presenting an idea of some sort, and
was rolling along until I suddenly had a brain freeze and completely lost
my train of thought.
I can still feel those 30 sets of eyes staring at me, waiting
for me to end the most embarrassing silence I'd ever experienced. My mind
was a foggy blank, and I couldn't get it back. I finally mumbled some sort
of lame excuse, and slinked away to a life of dreading speaking in front
of a crowd.
I'm still forced to do it at times, though, and all the
symptoms listed under Glossophobia are present. Increased heart rate
and blood pressure--check. Dilated pupils, sweating, increased
oxygen intake--check. Stiffening of neck/upper back muscles--check. Dry
mouth--check. Uncontrollable shaking--check.
Hard to believe I avoid speaking in public, considering all
those wonderful side effects. Who wouldn't want to be sharing eloquent
thoughts while uncontrollably shaking with a heartbeat hitting 140 and a
mouth feeling like sandpaper?
No other phobia is more common than the fear of public
speaking. It even outranks the fear of death, or the fear of heights, or
the fear of spiders. I would love to conquer the anxiety, as many people
have, and I'm still trying.
I've read about all the tips. Imagine the audience in their
underwear, breathe, place your hand on your head to help bring the blood
back to your brain, practice in front of the mirror, speak slowly and most
of all, de-catastrophize the experience---speaking to a crowd isn't life
threatening.
All of that is helpful, but the bottom line is pretty much
irreversible---I don't have the gift of gab. If I was a lecturer in the
academic classroom, my class would last about three minutes. I couldn't
imagine talking any longer about any subject, simply because I would
assume I'm boring everyone to death, including me.
I'm constantly amazed and jealous of people who can ramble
on, whether it's a politician, a television journalist, or a street
preacher. My train of thought goes to one station and stops, searching
desperately for the next destination before my brain freezes over.
For me, there's only one solution---whenever I have the
chance, I write the words down. Not notes, because I could easily screw
that up, but word for word. And then I read it, whether it's a toast for a
birthday gathering, or a full-fledged speech like the one I gave to a
group the other day.
Once they start selling personal teleprompters, I'll be the
first in line. In the meantime, I look up as often as possible from my 8
by 11 sheets, and revel in the knowledge that my train can't derail.
And no one ever seems to care that I read it, or at least
that's what they tell me. As the moment approaches for my turn to speak, I
caress the paper in my pocket, and keep the anxiety level to a minimum.
There's not even any uncontrollable shaking. My voice is strong, and I
finish with a flourish.
It's better than the alternative of impromptu speaking, but it
still feels like a cop-out. How I wish I could stand up and casually speak
off the cuff, mesmerizing audiences with my unscripted eloquence.
Unfortunately, my heart rate just went up while writing those
words. That's probably a clue it's not going to happen. Without my
prepared script, Glossophobia has me in a stranglehold. |
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